Once Upon a Time there was a young princess. She was rather politically minded but being the youngest in a large family she put her dreams of politics aside and amused herself by playing with a heavy golden ball in the castle garden. With her ball she she achieved excellent hand-eye coordination and had great fun. One day she tripped over a rock and failed to catch her golden ball, which landed in a pond. Try as she might the pond was to deep for her reach. She began to cry for she felt her ball must be lost forever.
“What is young, Princess?” asked a frog who was sitting in the sun by the pond.
“Oh, it’s silly,” she replied. “I have dropped my golden ball in the pond and I cannot reach it.”
“I could get your ball,” said the frog. “What would you give me if I got it for you?”
“Anything,’ said the Princess.
“I care not for riches,” said the frog,
“I’m afraid I have nothing else.”
“It’s no matter,” said the frog. “If I get this ball for you I shall be your companion. I shall eat at your table and sleep in your bed.”
The Princess thought this ridiculous because he was a frog and could not live humans with must success. Nonetheless she agreed. When her ball was returned to her she cried with joy and ran back to the castle, thinking no more of the strange frog.
The next day she was enjoying dinner with her family when a knock came at the door. She rose to see who it was and upon finding the frog she slammed the door and ran back to the table feeling rather anxious.
“My goodness, child,” said her father, the King. “Who is at the door that frightens you so?” Reluctantly the Princess explained the deal she had made with the frog. “Well then you must keep your promise,” said the King.
And so the frog shared dinner the Princess. The King found it rather amusing but the Princess grow more and more uncomfortable as the night went on a the frog kept taking her food and making off color jokes. When dinner ended she had to take the frog up to her bedroom with her.
“There Princess,” said the frog. “Put me right there on your pillow and that is where I shall sleep.”
For a few hours she tried to sleep next to the frog but he snored and said terrible things in his sleep. Finally she could take it no more and shook the frog awake.”
“Listen here you frog,” she said. “This is ridiculous. All you did was fetch me my ball which was of very little inconvenience to you. It did not warrant you demanding to sleep in my bed. I am not forever in your debt over a ball!”
“No you listen, Princess,” demanded the frog. “I did something nice for you. I at least deserve a kiss for my services.”
“Oh, I’ve had enough of you,” said she. And then she grabbed the frog off her pillow and slammed him against the wall. She picked up his lifeless body and marched down to the kitchen.
“Cook,” she said. “If it is not to much trouble I have a terrible craving for frog’s legs and I have already got a frog.” The cook liked that idea and the two of them spent the night feasting on frog’s legs and discussing their troubles.
Come morning the Princess sold her golden ball and with that money hired herself a personal guard. She had her father arrested for poor parenting and finally achieved her dream of politics by declaring herself queen. (The rest of her family was so relieved the King was gone they let her have the throne.) Her first act as Queen was a declaration that no one was ever owed a kiss or a bedroom visit and no one is obligated to be nice to people who make them feel unsafe.
I feel like this story has to be taken both totally seriously and not seriously at all to be appreciated.